Introduction Post

As a personal introduction, I am a 35 year old mother of 5 boys, married to an awesome man, who has decided after much thought and prayer and searching to leave the LDS religion and church near the end of July (2013). The roots of my discontent and questioning have been small over the past little while, but since really learning more about libertarianism in politics, and a live-and-let-live lifestyle, they have become more intense. I will not go into the politics here, other than to say that I do not agree with the church's support of government and law, in using legislation to restrict the acts of people when those acts do not involve harm to others, and its teachings that governments are instituted for the good of man. In conjunction with that, I also do not agree with the teaching that obedience is a high virtue to have, and that one should obey no matter what, even if you do not agree with a law or tenet, if it comes from the government or from the prophet of the church. I believe in natural consequences rather than artificial ones, or consequences that suit the crime, mistake, whatever the seriousness of the situation is. I also believe that in order to obey a law or commandment, that law or commandment should both make sense and be necessary, especially in the case of a law. The point is, things were starting to get not okay for me. I was having to compartmentalize my thinking on law and politics separate from my thinking on religion, and I had to bite my tongue numerous times in church when talks or comments were about our wonderful government or country, or how we had to get out and vote to participate in the process, or whatever. All this was after the issues with Prop 8, which never really sat well with me either. I honestly think that if I had been living in CA at the time, I would have voted no on Prop 8. I do not believe at all that the church or anyone in it has any right to restrict marriage equality for homosexual couples. Those couples' marriage does not affect the church or the people in it unless they let it happen. If they do, the homosexual couple is still not to blame for the issue.

There have been some other issues about why I left, mainly dealing with contradictions in the doctrines of the church, major discrepancies between the doctrine and practices, whitewashing of the church's history, and some of the lies that have been perpetuated throughout the church's history. There are also some rather pointed issues such as the translation of the Book of Abraham that called into serious question for me the authenticity of Joseph Smith as a prophet. These issues can be found through Google, so I will not expound on them any more here. Suffice it to say that all together, they were enough for me that I feel I can no longer support the church as it is now.

I only wish to mention one more issue because it will continue to affect me as long as I am out of the church, as well as my family members, in or out of the church. The LDS church teaches that in order to be together with your family in the next life, all members of the family must belong to the LDS church through baptism, either in life or afterward through proxy baptism, must have all of the ordinances of the LDS temple performed by themselves in life or by proxy after death, and keep the covenants they make in those temples throughout their life, if they make those covenants in life, and however it works for those who have already died. If they do not, and especially those who have been in the church but have left for whatever reason (including ones like me, where I have really felt that it is the wrong thing for me, after much doubt, research, prayer, thought, and soul-searching), then they will not be allowed in the top "kingdom" of heaven, in which they would be able to live with their families forever, be able to reproduce eternally, and other things. This is considered the best place to be in the next life through eternity by those who are LDS. There are other "kingdoms" of heaven as well for others who have not been as steadfast in the LDS faith, and in those, the LDS church teaches they are not allowed to be with their families or with God.

The reason this bothers me so much should be clarified with the idea that the only basis I have to compare God to and the way the next life is supposed to be is to look at my family and the love I have for them and they have for me. In doing so, it needs to be said that I have absolutely wonderful parents, as imperfect as they are. I have made some serious mistakes in my past, this one being the biggest "mistake" according to the LDS church's teachings, and yet neither of my parents has done anything close to kicking me out of the family. Instead, they have loved and tried to understand where I am coming from. They continue to support me and my family, and they would do anything in the world that they possibly could to help if it came down to needing that help and support. If I were living with them at the time I made this decision, I do not doubt at all that not only would they not kick me out of the house, they would continue to love me no matter what, even through their disappointment in my decision. If they, as imperfect humans, could continue to love me this much, how does it make sense that a loving Heavenly Father, perfect in form and in His knowledge and love, would kick His children out because they made a different decision and decided that they could no longer support a church and religion they did not believe anymore, rather than continue to live a lie and try to merely suppress their doubts as they struggled with them? I do not wish to diminish the struggles or strength of those who continue and have continued to work through their doubts and questions while maintaining an active church membership, but I did not see it as the right decision for me. If God would kick His own children out of an eternal home and refuse to even see them or visit them, that is quite honestly not the kind of God I would want to be with for eternity. I expect that if God exists, and I am not completely sure He does at this point, then He is unconditionally loving and will understand where His children are at, and why, and will not refuse to see them because they used the intellect that He gave them and made a choice they honestly felt was the right one.

At this point, I do not attend any churches. I am taking a complete break from religions overall because I am trying to figure out exactly what it is I believe, and I am giving myself the freedom to change my mind as I see the need to. I am teaching my children to live a good, moral life, which to me, means that they need to treat others kindly and with respect, and that they should not physically harm another or his/her property. Beyond that, I believe, and teach my children in the hopes that they will believe, in letting people live the lives they feel are right for them. I teach them that it is not okay to vote for legislation or for representatives that would pass legislation that will unnecessarily restrict the freedoms of others, for whatever reason. If they decide otherwise when they grow up, that will be their choice and I will not love them any less, nor will I disown them for their decisions. So this is where I am at. I am much more at peace, I feel incredible amounts of love for my family and for my friends, and I am extremely grateful to those who have continued to love and support me through my struggles, whether they understand them or not. I appreciate all of you more than you know, and I hope I can reciprocate that love and support in your lives as well. Please forgive me as I fall short of doing so; it is not for lack of trying, but merely as a function of being human and not always making the best decisions. I love my life. I love my family, both immediate and extended. I am extremely grateful for the new friends I have made through this transition as well; they have made this journey not only manageable, but fun and humorous at times along the way. To them, I owe a hearty thanks. I am excited to see what the rest of my life holds as I explore the rest of it and enjoy the time I have here.